Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
