VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
