Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize