Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
