Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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