I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
