you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
