So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
