there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
