i permit you to call me
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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