i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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