trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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