I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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