My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
