I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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