I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize