Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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