It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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