I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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