Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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