I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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