btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
