dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
