Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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