I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
