Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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