All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
