Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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