Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So many bounce houses so little time
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
