i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
