So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
