Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
