Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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