what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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