You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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