i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize