I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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