he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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