after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dignity is for republicans.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
