He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
