do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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