Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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