She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
There's even glitter on my cock...
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