And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Let's paint friendship bongs
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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