Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
