i may or may not be watching the land before time
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
