for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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