i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
