Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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