Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
