That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
