he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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