Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So squirting runs in the family.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
