I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
