Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
