are you still at the devil's house?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
