so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
