drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
