He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
