You don't have asthma, your pregnant
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
