and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
