would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Randomize
