i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
