So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
