I heard we made out
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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