That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
