i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
