Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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