Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you will always have a special place in my vag
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
