im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
