Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Drunk is a universal language darling
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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